Windows 98 is a woman. Period. End of story.

I’m not saying Windows 98 was built by women, or designed for women or is feminine in any way. What I’m saying is Microsoft has finally brought the "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" concept straight into our desktop computer.

For longer than I care to mention I have read the articles, followed the newsgroups, installed the beta’s and downloaded the updates for this long-awaited operating system. But, despite popular belief, I did not wait in line last Wednesday night so I could be one of the first 200,000 computer dweebs in the world to buy and install the final release. Instead, patiently waited and watched to see if this software would land on it’s feet or fall with the loud "THUD" of 200,000 crashing computers. The news didn’t announce any catastrophe and recent reviews came back with no loud complaints and, at best, mild dis-interest.

Well, the release version of Windows 98 went onto my computer yesterday, and my jaw still hasn’t snapped back into place.

I was prepared for many, many things (mostly disappointments) but I want not prepared for what happened next to my computer. As a consultant, hardware and software fly in and out of my system like fists and threats at a Gerry Springer Show. Inevitably, things get messed up and the physician doesn’t always take the time to heal thyself. Windows 98 proceeded to inspect, review and upgrade all of my hardware configurations ... and then fixed them one, by one! The result? My video is crisper, the sound card never sounded better, my CD ROM drive has become obedient again and my modem is effectively running 20-30% faster than ever before. Best of all, I didn’t have to "tweak" a thing.

But that’s not the best part. Since Windows 98 took residence in my computer there has not been a single freeze up, crash, glitch, stutter, illegal error or legitimate reason for me to swear out loud at my computer. This is in a computer which has bizarre and exotic programs which were practically born to crash.

Internet glitches? Not happening. And Microsoft Plus 98 (companion software to Windows 98) comes complete with the latest and greatest virus scanning program which will scan any software which comes off the Web before it gets the chance to trash your system!

"That’s nice, John", you may be saying, "but what bizarre logic leads you to believe that Windows98 is a WOMAN"??

Before I earn the label of a chauvenist pig, there is sanity to my analogy. Before me stands one of the best, most reliable, hardest working pieces of software which I have ever seen. Yet every guy who has taken the time to review Windows98 winds up saying "Yeah, it’s OK. Nothing to write home about. Pretty much like Windows95". This upgrade handles matters so well, yet so subtly that men just can’t comprehend it! Therefore...it’s a woman. Plain and simple.

If Windows 98 had come with a Budweiser frogs screensaver and WebTV pre-programmed for BayWatch, I suspect it would have gotten rave reviews. Instead, it just makes life easier so these guys give it a C+.

As for me and thee, I recommend a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine and Windows98. May this love affair last forever.

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Questions or comments?
Feel free to email me at john@helpmedoc.com
or you can call me at (602) 861-1738.

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